i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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