She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
