I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
