Barsexuality is the new black.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You ate ashes out of my bong
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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