i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I am one with the molecules
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
