Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
