Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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