I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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