I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
