This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
