I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
