Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
