Jerry, you need to find god
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
