I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
