I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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