New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
