She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
