the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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