Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
