i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
