im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i want to swaddle you in tequila
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
