I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
