Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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