It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
