Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
