Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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