just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
