Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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