I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We had to coat check the pizza.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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