"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
