and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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