all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
