i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
