Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
