I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
