I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Randomize
