Taylor Swift is so right about you.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
