I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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