Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
