The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
