you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
