I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
