Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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