you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
