HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
