Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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