Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
