Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
