I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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