I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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