He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
