Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
