Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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