Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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